Paragraph 1 sets up your readers to learn about your junior year. Paragraph 2 should start to tell that story. Without any transition, it makes no sense to start writing about Oed because you haven’t given any reason for your readers to start thinking about that connection.
When you claim that Oed made his decision based on emotion, that’s your first chance to explain to your readers exactly why you think that. Leaving out that explanation, it’s as if you hope that just stating your opinion is enough. Saying that you believe something doesn’t make it true.
Lots of errors throughout make your readers wonder if you know when to use a period and when to use a comma. It also makes your readers question your expertise. If you can’t bother to write correctly, how can we know that you can bother to think correctly?
And where’s the U-Turn, Mirror, Mirror, or What It Is! sentence you were supposed to include? Did you write this at the last minute?