Carolyn comes into the story so late, it’s hard to see that discussion as part of the same story. It looks like an add on, extra information that isn’t very necessary. Is this a story about washing dishes and being careless with electronics or your ideas about friendship? I suppose there’s a way for it to be both, but not how you’ve written it here. Stay focused, from beginning to end, on proving some point. Here it’s an observation about life that you’ll use your experience and Oed to prove true. There are good reflections here, but without focus, your readers are never sure of exactly what you want to say.
Tags: oedipus