You need to build the case of [the character] using [the other character] due to a lack of power earlier than you do. The rest of your arguments depend on that idea. Staying more focused on showing what [the character’s] “standards of manly conduct” are — and how [the other character] falls short of those and finally how [the character] uses those short comings to her advantage — would strengthen this.
Posts Tagged ‘standards’
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Tuesday, May 8th, 2007Flat And Incomplete
Tuesday, May 8th, 2007You have the possibility of eloquent writing if you can keep a handle on how many sentences you string together with “and.” That’s where this could be improved: sentence pattern variety. You write well, but the frequent “and”s give this the feel of an early draft. The discussion of tragedy here would be more meaningful with quotations to point your readers to specific evidence of your claims. Without that, this feels a bit flat and incomplete.